Road Trip Wagon Train

Pat and I recently drove to Sarasota, FL for a concert, stopping on the way at Roswell, GA for an Irish session, and at St. Simon Island to visit a friend. In Sarasota we both came down with a cold/flu and headed prematurely for home, where we spent the next two weeks as runny-nosed, coughing couch potatoes. During this time we rented Ken Burns’ documentary The West on Netflix, fifteen hours of the grim history of the wresting of our country from Native Americans. I heard again the doctrine of Manifest Destiny that justified the whole mess; hadn’t thought of it since sixth grade history class. At that time, as a kid raised on TV cowboys (good) and Indians (bad, except for Tonto), I just assumed that all had been for the best, and now I was living in hunky dory Eisenhower land, thanks to the valiance of my forebears.

Now my road trip memories are etched in some kind of tableau right next to the images of wagon trains snaking across the land; travel-lusting Americans, side by side, from places all over the country, sharing a common dream of the future. Are we any different, we selfish, restless people, today? We are a strange tribe, driven by collective ambitions while demanding our right to act as individuals.

I felt the obnoxiousness of our American tribe on I 95 as I encountered folks at rest stops, in hotel hallways, waiting in line for coffee and fries at McDonald’s, or zipping by me on the road in sturdy cars with bikes strapped to the roof (it was the beginning of Easter vacation.) Aspects of communal facilities troubled me, like for instance the women who leave toilets damp (which one sometimes only discovers after sitting down.) Or the fact that some magnetic force attracts me to the only stall in a row with the latch broken (again, only discovered once I sit down, having arrived at the 11^th hour of my need) so I have to keep the door closed with one foot, while some fussy and vocal toddler impatiently rocks against it. Where is the child’s mother? She is talking on her cell phone while washing her hands at the other end of the room. Was this the etiquette observed at freshly dug latrines on the trail? I wonder, and some not-so-nice images appear.

Feverish and swollen faced, Pat and I faced traffic jam after jam as we inched along I 95. Troubling things happen among the tribe during these events. One or two or three renegades decide that the waiting does not apply to them, and run past the line of cars on the left hand margin, with an attitude like, “watch me, suckers.” Then, when the driver discovers that he really does have to merge, he depends on the kindness of his fellows to let him again into the ranks. I really wonder about this psycho-social behavior. Is this the same me-ism that caused settlers to ride roughshod over others to stake their claim on homestead acreage, on gold mining sites? Competition is the backbone of our tribe. Sometimes it feels like it is actually a pastime in itself, even when the prize is ambiguous, or meaningless.

Worst of all were the trucks. I guess truck drivers are a sort of sub-group of our tribe, with different rules. Like, you get to bully anyone smaller than you if they are slowing you down in any way. You get to drive faster than anybody else. Why is this? Because you are busy delivering the Stuff. These are the kings of consumerism, the lords of the highway. Not only do they blast you with their horn to get out of the way, they continue with the blast while and after passing – a steady stream to match the F and GD and SOBs the driver is probably muttering under his breath. I understand that these guys drink like Red Bull to keep them alert. How weird is that, Red Bull? The Lakota must be laughing up their sleeves at that choice of name.

So now I sit quietly in my mountain home, in a territory once peopled by the Cherokee but now claimed by white Christians who worship a prophet born two thousand years ago in the Middle East, who was dark skinned and wore sandals. I don’t understand this mongrel tribe to whom I belong. Or maybe I do, but don’t want to admit it. I walk in the woods and by the streams and wonder whether the spirits there can ever welcome me; I know myself as a member of the fair skinned people who bribe and promise and lie, who come on with the tractors and the asphalt, claiming a better life for all. The past is still alive.

White on White

The White is not a kind, benevolent teacher. It is a trickster, a shape-changer -- beautiful, but terrible. Many people believe these mountains are home to fairies and ghosts. This photo of a twisted bittersweet vine looks to me like a long creature with legs ending in giant bird- claws, ready to fling back its hoary head in laughter once no one is watching.

Last time I went into the White, about ten days and a four-day thaw ago, I climbed a steep rise to sit on a fallen tree trunk and observe the Blue Ridge, visible through the standing line of bare trees. Another animal had been where I walked in the snow. The prints were about the size and shape of a dog’s. Just as I crested the hill, the tracks led up to and through the V shaped opening of a split sapling. An instant picture of my pet tiger cat and her love of flirting through small spaces appeared in my mind, and I felt certain that the tracks had to be those of a large cat. Wildcats have been spotted on our land and in the adjoining Pisgah National Forest.

I was too far from the house to be heard by my husband if I hollered for help. The steady drumming of my heart as I climbed higher turned into the need to open my mouth and pant.

Breath and breath and breath.

Afraid. Afraid, but not turning back, my legs stubborn and willful, I kept on till I passed through the narrow opening we call intention, choice, or risk. Any of those words that mean doing something you’re scared to do. What was the alternative? Slinking back to the house, knowing that I’d abandoned a goal (albeit a tiny goal) out of fear, or laughing about it over the phone with a girlfriend, sipping a cup of cocoa, covering my failure with wit, making it a funny story? Lame.

Stray Plenifora branches, with wicked red thorns, insinuated themselves under my coat and sweater, scratched my belly. They dove into the top of my rubber boots, caused bright welts on my right leg, wounds I only discovered later, in the bath that night. I wondered if the marks were some kind of rash, until I recalled the woods and recognized the shorthand of the wild upon my flesh: the consequence of my intrusion, the sharp price of admission to the White.

WINTER GIFT

Four weeks of whiteness began on December 16th of 2009. I came to love the cold winter: its beauty and peace, the voice of snow, mystical, beyond the normal range of sound. Obligations to the outside world fell away. I slept without inhibition, ripping off hours of sleep, savoring it like fresh warm bread. When I was rested, I ventured into the woods, down to the small spring and stream there. Hoof prints of deer, pale blue arrows in the snow, clustered around spots where the animals had stopped to drink.

This particular day, in the silence of the woods, I came face to face with this creation by the spirit of water. In one form, she assumes an austere and pure shape; in the other, a playful, joyous motion, transforming and carving simply by journeying where she will, where nature leads her. Two discrete forms of the same element, one less fixed that the other, achieving together great beauty and cooperation. Even more, this note from nature was quickly writ, as the tableau was erased, melted, soon after I encountered it.

But this image, this winter gift, has returned to me again and again, making me pause and think carefully about what it means, in the dreaming part of me, in the splendid hours when the mind takes the time to savor and understand experience. I seem to be receiving a simple message about loss, and it comes from an old Gene Pitney song: Only love can break a heart. Only love can mend it again.

OUR CD BABY

It's the equivalent of the New Year's cherub, clad in diaper, banner, and top hat. Patrick, my piper husband, and I, have produced a little electronic offspring. Traditional Irish music, played in the old style, as we learned from older generation musicians in Ireland and here in the US-Irish community. Here are some reasons it is unique:

Though there were pithy nouns and bold verbal commands exchanged between husband and wife during recording, the recording discussions were mediated by the purring, owl-eyed presence of Wanda, the long haired black cat, a pet of Too Tall Tom and Suzi Dimock of Thunderstorm Hollows studio. Peace was restored.

It was fueled by excellent and affordable ($3.59) chicken salad sandwiches at Creekside Restaurant in Bakersville, NC. Plus a few sides of Curly Fries.

It comes straight from our hearts.

It can be purchased at Ossian, USA (see the sidebar) or from us (info at www. patricksky.com)

Happy New Year to all of us in the creative arts, including day dreaming.

Season of loss

Last month we lost a young member of our family of close friends. He was only thirty years old. Pneumonia took him suddenly. Sage, we will miss you.

DARKNESS FALLS EARLY

How do we remember joy
When hurt is deep?

So deep it lives with the leviathans.
With the scattered remains of ships.

The keening of whales
In the snores of our houseguest
Keeps me awake. I cannot dream.

Waiting in the line
At the supermarket,
It goes through my mind
This is the price we pay for loving.

Would we still give our hearts
If we had to pay in advance?
The first hour of pain
Would change our minds.
But we love by instinct
We can’t seem to help it.
There is no answer.

I believe in the Creator of rainbows, of waterfalls
I believe in the Creator of small birds and starlight.
In the Creator of springs and streams
Of quick-moving rivers
Of wind in the treetops
Of mud
Of green hillsides
Of slow black cows,
Their sides swaying, minding the path.

I hold fast to these things,
This fragile gospel
As the road bends sharp before me.

copyright Cathy Larson Sky 12/12/2009

WHEN LIFE IS HARSH,

I want Christmas/I want the red and green, color of blood, color of pine.
I want silver haired ladies in Frosty the Snowman, skating scene sweaters.
I want mulled spiced wine and cheese balls, presents stacked in a crazy pile;
I want elves, piquant and bell-capped, or round and apple-bellied, and
Angels -- ornate Victorians or home mades of clothespins and cotton balls.
I want the lift in my heart when I see, turning up the drive, the tree lights beckon from the window.

I want the feeling of Benny’s Hardware/new tire smell wafting from the bicycle rack/cello-gleam of dolly packages, housing bunting babies, or nymphs with curly poly-thread wigs/pink or swimming-pool blue ponies with shimmering manes and tails.

I want my arms around a wriggling, impatient toddler, dressed in snap-up peejays, her breath sweet upon my neck as I carry her on my hip to the sink, where I wipe sticky candy mess from pudgy soft fingers, the chocolate of foiled Santas from her tender mouth, from her cheeks flushed crimson from sugar, and waiting, and not having to wait any more and

Christmas early morning
Christmas lustrous night
Christmas, her shining bobbing orbs and winking lights
Tracing the snowy yard
Breathing up into a lapis sky
Where a scattering of tiny rhinestones,
The wake of angels’ wings,
Blink joy in the cold stillness.

Copyright Cathy Larson Sky 11/17/2009

DISCLAIMER

Recently my husband, Patrick, pointed readers of the Chiff and Fipple, an Irish music discussion page, to my blog. He did this out of enthusiasm for my writing. I am not just a musician but also a writer. Along with the novels, poetry, and stories I have written over the past 30 years, I've often penned articles about Irish music in newspapers and in journals. However, this blog is just about whatever is in my head at the time I feel moved to write. I am sorry for those who expected, understandably, to find a blog about Irish music. You will find a link to the Irish Traditional Music Archive in Dublin to the left; also a link for Tarot readers and mystics, and some author biographies. It's a potpourri.

I didn't ask Pat to put my blog on the Chiff and Fipple. If I'd known he was doing so, I would have stopped him, sweet as he was to recommend my work online. It was like standing up in a pub and and recommending a church down the street.