HELPFUL HINTS FROM IRISH GIRLFRIENDS

All the following advice was offered me by Irish women when I lived in or visited in Ireland. Some bits were related aloud, others I learned by observing.
                                       
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When someone knocks on the door or rings the doorbell, stop everything. Quietly go peek through the side window to see if it’s the priest or someone else you’d like to make think you are not home.

Since he’s given you your lovely house and children, don’t bother to ask where the husband’s been when he doesn’t come home at night.

If he tells you what sounds like a lie, pretend you don’t notice.

If you can’t afford to stand a round, don’t go to the pub with your friends.

If you want to go along anyway, say you can’t drink because you’re not feeling well and you’re content to nurse this wee glass of lemonade.

If you are going visiting in cold weather, make sure your jumper is thick enough to hide your nipples.

If someone tells you to call at seven, don’t phone them at seven. You should show up at seven.

If you have waited for the heater repair man for 3 hours and have to pick up the kids at school and want to know if he came while you were away go ask the cashier at the shop by the foot of your street.

If you have good fortune, hide it. Begrudgers have big ears.

If someone says “it doesn’t matter” if you show up or not and you are caught in traffic and don’t show up expect that person never to speak to you again.

At a music session, if you are asked to sing a song, never say yes. Say “I couldn’t.”

Wait for a chorus of, “Sure you will. Give us a song.” If this response is half-hearted, then continue to demur. If the response escalates to “Go on. You will now. You will" say “I will give it a try” and sing.

If you want to be considered a lady, never say fuckin. Substitute feckin.  Ex: “He’s a feckin eejit” instead of “he’s a fuckin eejit.”

If someone is labeled very cute it doesn’t mean he or she is attractive. It means crafty, sneaky.

If you meet a known cute person at a pub with their drunk mates who’s acting overly friendly and tries to draw you out in conversation, do not respond. This person is trying get you to do or say things they can slag you for, sometimes when you are only steps away so you get a nice earful of it.

If you have this experience, stay composed and say to yourself “Feck you and the horse you rode in on you feckin eejit go get yourself a feckin life or better yet go feck yerself.”

                                                         

Cathy Larson Sky   03/16/2018

all photos by Cathy: 1.Grafton Street, Dublin, 1996  2. Ennis Bungalow, 1994  3. Pub sign in Ennis, 1994  4. Grafton Street, Dublin, 1996  5. Detail from St. Francis Friary, Ennis, 1996


HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY